This next interview is with a young bisexual woman. Her drag name is Phierce as she is a faux queen and her real name is Xienna. She is living in one of the worlds largest cities and taking the opportunity to be her own person, incredibly inspiring
You can follow Phierce on twitter at @phiercephanatic
First of all tell me about yourself?
I’m a 20 year old bisexual woman, living in New York. I’m a faux queen (a biological woman who does drag) and a singer/songwriter. I also enjoy writing poetry. I’m currently in a relationship.
Exactly how do you identify yourself sexually and otherwise?
Well, when it comes to gender identity, I identify as a cisgender female, who is on the feminine side of the gender identity spectrum. As far as sexual and romantic orientation go, I identify as a biromatic bisexual, which means I am both romantically and sexually attracted to more than one gender.
Many of the readers won’t know the area you were born in so could you describe it, especially the attitudes towards LGBT, if any.
I live in Bronx, NY currently. (I was born in Greenwich Village but have lived in Bronx, NY my whole life.) It is quite diverse here, people from all different backgrounds that speak all different languages. As far attitude towards LGBTQ+ individuals, everyone I’ve encountered that has LGBTQ+ individuals in their families are very accepting and laid back about that. Although I can’t speak for everyone, in my experience, I’ve seen it go pretty well.
Tell me about how you discovered you are bisexual?
Well, that was quite a long journey. I’d always had feelings toward men, the feelings towards women came about when I was about eleven in 6th grade. I started to get butterflies when I’d see women, just like I would when I’d see men. Ever since then I’ve known I was bisexual. I know this is going to sound interesting and maybe a little weird, but drag queens were a huge part of my journey. Not only were they huge role models (and still are today), but I found some of them attractive out of drag and then when they would get in drag, I still found them attractive.
How did you cope with it?
Well, I’ll be honest, I had a really hard time coping with it before I came out to everyone I’m out to now. I used to cry myself to sleep because I wasn’t happy. I felt like a piece of me was missing and it took me a while to figure out what that part was. It was the part of me that was attracted to women which I hid away from everyone for years because I grew up in a religious household with my mother. She is a devout Christian, and I didn’t know what would happen if I came out to her. I honestly feared the worst. But things did get easier once I started to come out to people.
Have you told any friends or family?
Yes I have. I’m out to my friends that I went to school with, my friends on social media, my exes that I dated before I was out, and my mother.
How did they react when you first told them?
Well, my friends on social media who are part of the Rupaul’s Drag Race fandom with me were all very supportive, also lots of them are LGBTQ+ as well. My friends from school were also very supportive. One of them even said she knew I was bi, which was hilarious. My exes were somewhat shocked, but were accepting. As far as my mother goes, I didn’t have anything to fear because she was the most supportive out of everyone I told, which was amazing for me.
Has there been any comments or reactions since?
Well, as far as everyone that I’ve come out to, their reactions haven’t changed. They all seem to be content with the way I choose to live my life.
What are your thoughts on coming out to people as a bisexual person?
Well, coming out as bisexual can go either way as far as reactions, questions or anything else. Sometimes people that you come out to or people in general don’t understand exactly what bisexuality is, and may have several misconceptions because of that. When I encounter people like that, I try to explain exactly what bisexuality is, at least to me, because everyone defines their identities differently. So the most I can do is give my definition and make sure that even if they believe in the misconceptions, that they don’t make that known in front of anyone that identifies as bisexual because it can be insulting to them. But I think most people do understand bisexuality and I feel that just like any other individual, bisexuals should come out, be their true selves and be proud of it.
Who was the hardest person to come out to?
My mom definitely!
Just because of the fear of what would happen. But I’m glad everything went well. I couldn’t ask to have better people surrounding me.
What are your thoughts on monogamy?
I love the idea of monogamy. In my opinion, it creates a stronger bond between the individuals involved in the relationship and definitely simmers down the drama a lot. I have been in open relationships before, but right now I’m living a completely monogamous life. I don’t need open relationships to be happy, I never did.
A lot of people believe the myth that a bisexual person cannot have a monogamous relationship what would you tell them?
I would first tell them not to feed into stereotypes of any kind. Second, I would say I’m living proof that a bisexual individual can be in a monogamous relationship. I’m in one currently. One thing I can’t stand are people who feed into stereotypes, and I can’t stand stereotypes themselves. Just because bisexuals are able to be attracted to more than one gender, that doesn’t mean that when they’re in a relationship, they need to be with more than one person at the same time. My advice to everyone out there, stereotypes are disgusting, don’t believe in them.
When and if people ask such questions about your sexuality how do you react to them?
I really just try to educate people when they’ve gotten something wrong about my sexuality. Who better to teach others than someone living the life in question? I try not to get angry or upset if they don’t understand bisexuality, because those emotions would make things worse and make me incapable of teaching people a more accepting way.
What do you think to comments that Bisexual people have it easy, because they are attracted to both sexes?
Well, I don’t believe we have it “easy”. I believe we do have more options than people attracted to just one gender. It’s quite hard to be bisexual though. Either people don’t understand your sexuality or some people don’t even think it’s real. But bisexuals have certain things they’re looking for in a significant other just like everyone else does. We don’t just go to any man or woman like some people believe we do.
Have you ever had any negative reaction from anyone?
Of course I have. But not from anyone I’ve come out to. I find there’s some really strong biphobia on YouTube. Both in videos and in comments. People spewing biphobic statements and misconceptions everywhere, and they want to be rude and defensive when a bisexual person, such as myself, tries to simply help them by explaining the reality of the situations they bring up. Also, a personal experience of mine on YouTube is, whenever I comment on a video saying a man is attractive people will like my comment maybe even comment back agreeing with me. But when I do the same with women, everyone gets uptight, and starts a childish argument with me over me saying a woman is attractive to me in more than an aesthetic way. Also, there’s some certain people on YouTube that purposely make videos against bisexuals, and they themselves are part of the LGBTQ+ community. I think it’s disgusting that our own community turns against each other. We get enough of that from homophobes. It’s not necessary.
In regards to girlfriends/boyfriends who have reacted in the most negative/positive way?
Luckily, I haven’t received any negative reactions from anyone I’ve ever gone out with, man or woman. All the men I’ve gone out so far have all been straight, as far as the women, I’ve dated two so far, one pansexual and one lesbian, who I’m dating now. They’ve all been positive about me being bisexual.
How do you think other members of the LGBT+ family react to your sexuality?
I honestly think that some people in the LGBTQ+ community can be biphobic at times, whether they realize it or not. But of course, most of them are amazing individuals that understand bisexuality just as well as they understand their own sexualities, whatever those sexualities may be. One big thing that happens in the media is “bi-erasure”. Bi-erasure is exactly what it sounds like, people in the media erasing any trace of bisexuality so they don’t have to put it out there for what it really is. For example, if a celebrity comes out as bisexual, the media will simply just speak on whatever relationship they’re currently in and call it a straight or gay relationship when it’s actually neither of those. It’s not really even a bisexual relationship, it’s just a relationship. That’s something that annoys me a lot.
But I think more and more people are beginning to see bisexuality for what it truly is and I have my fellow LGBTQ+ community members and allies to thank for that. So, all’s well.
What advice would you give others?
One big thing about coming out, you should only come out when you’re ready. If you come out when you aren’t you won’t be ready for a negative reaction if one was to arise. Also, when you come out, be prepared to answer questions, because people will ask them. The longer you’re in the closet, the harder it gets, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Everyone has the right to do so. If people have a problem with your sexuality, you should find people that don’t because those are the people that truly matter and that should be in your life for the long run. Be proud of yourself and never be ashamed. Also, remember there are resources out there for you. The Trevor Project is amazing, additionally, if you’re an LGBTQ+ individual that’s religious, Queer Theology is great as well. They have podcasts that I listen to all the time that can help LGBTQ+ people of faith stay in touch and not feel like they don’t belong. Remember, you’re beautiful and strong. You can make it through anything and the LGBTQ+ community is always here for you.
Are you involved with any groups that support bisexuality at all?
I follow several accounts on Twitter that support bisexuality and always share their articles and other content on my timeline for my followers to see. I’m thinking of possibly starting my own bisexuality group. Maybe on Facebook, just so bisexual individuals can have a place to be themselves away from unacceptable surroundings, if that’s where they are. Or even if they just want to talk to other people that understand what they go through on a daily basis.
And…..your final thoughts?
I think this is a great way to share opinions of bisexual individuals all around the world and I’m glad to be a part of it. I’m sure this interview will make quite a difference in the world. Thank you for inviting me to do this interview, it was an honour.