Gender & sexuality

Thoughts of a bisexual male. 

My name isn’t important,  but my message is.

I’m attracted to both men and women. Right now I’m in a realationship with a wonderful man.

Being that he is editing this on my behalf, be warned that he will put something complimentary about himself at some point if not already. 

I’ve always been bisexual as far back as I can remember. I remember having a crush on my best friend at the same time as the girl who sat in front of us both in many of our classes. That confused me, so did the lack of information out there too. 

There were gay characters on TV,  in the 1990’s as I grew up, sadly no bisexual ones.

There was no education available due to something I didn’t know existed at the time. Section 28 didn’t just stop gay kids becoming educated but bisexual ones too. With all the homophobia about, how could we expect bisexuality be understood. 

I went to a university in Nottingham and met a few gay guys. Ultimately I met a girl and we set up home together, got married and stayed local, had a beautiful daughter.

Sadly the marriage didn’t work out. Not because I am gay but because marriages sometime fail. Not because of my subconscious telling me it was wrong but because my wife had an affair with someone from work. Not because I didn’t pay her enough attention,  because I was thinking about guys all the time,  but because of other aspects that happened out of my control. 

I moved out of Nottingham to a local town and joined a gym. I met a few guys who I hung about with.

Then boxing day morning 2011, queing outside ‘next’, a clothes stall in the UK, with a friend from my gym I met a guy who although goes to the same gym group as myself didn’t use the same facilities I did at that time. We talked all the time whilst queing. If anyone has ever been to the boxing day sales, they will know roughly how long that takes.

I fell in love straight away, but I didn’t tell him until last year. He saw me as a straight male, just the same as I saw him. After all we all presume that a certain type of Man is straight until proven otherwise.

My friend told me in the car on the way home that he was gay. There was an attraction. Just like there was with my wife when I was in a straight realationship. Just like there was at school all those years ago.

I’m attracted to a certain type of person.

It’s not that I have suddenly woke up to who I am, I naturally hid it before,  behind my hertrosexual marriage. Now because we are about to move in together people are seeing me as a Gay man. I’m not, I’m a bi man in a homosexual realationship,  and again, no fault of my own,  ‘hiding’  behind my homosexual relationship with another man, therefore my visibility as a bi male is invisible.

It’s that simple.

However if we ever split up,  then I will be free from the restraints of falling in love with a male or female. I will love whoever my heart tells me too. 

Most people find that hard to understand. They think bisexuality is an excuse for denial,  but I’m living proof it’s not. My ex wife knew that I was bisexual because we spoke about me being attracted to men back in university. Then she thought I was gay, I convinced her otherwise.

My boyfriend wanted me to write this a while back and I refused at first. We watched a programme a few days ago where a man was saying that bisexuality didn’t exist and a woman was agreeing, it does exist and there are many out there who form realationships with one sex or the other and therefore becomes on the surface gay or straight. Below the surface. I am bisexual.

The more we talk about it the more it will be accepted. 

Very few people outside of your minority will understand your minority without education. That includes everyone, it’s not just gay men or straight women who don’t get it. 

It’s not bigotry but ignorance, bigotry is the cradle of ignorance that leads to intolerance.

The B in lgbtqia isn’t there for a laugh, it’s there for acceptance. We need to accept each other. If we don’t then we will have no strength against the true bigots. Acept that there is a lot of work to be done in the lgbtqia family to educate others and let’s grow as a union. 

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