Firstly tell me a little about yourself.
I am a high school senior from northern New Jersey. I have one sister, two parents and two cats. I guess what I’m saying is that there’s not much to tell. You couldn’t pick me out in a crowd. I’m a decent writer but lazy. Better than decent photographer. I have good male and female friends. I’m pretty well adjusted, except for some minor anxiety issues.
How do you identity yourself sexually or otherwise.
My asexuality is just that, a complete lack of desire. I know when someone, male or female, is attractive. But only in an aesthetic sense. As to whether I’m straight or gay, it’s really irrelevant to me. I would probably say I’m neither.
I’m aware that some asexual writers and artists feel their sexuality brings a different dynamic to their work, do you feel this is he case with yourself too?
What I write best is speculative fiction. I avoid relationships outside of friendship in my stories. My male and female characters are pretty much equal in physical and intellectual attributes. So that would be the way my asexuality affects my work.
There is very little information out there about asexuality, how did you first come to realisation about your sexuality?
Well it gradually dawned on me around middle school I guess when I realized I was not like other boys. They were obsessed by sex. All the time. I simply felt nothing. I started by going along with them, but I realized it was really stupid. So I put up with their stuff and basically kept quiet, hoping they would just think I was shy or something.
I discovered asexuality on tumblr. It was kind of a relief to find out that what I was actually had a name. But all those labels! Did you know there are 96 ways of being asexual? And some people seem to be obsessed by what they are. Asexual and subsets and subsubsets. To what purpose I don’t know.
Some asexuals do enter relationships with other asexuals and do sometimes adopt children, raising a family. Do you feel that in the future it’s something you may or may not consider?
I do think about having a relationship. “It is not good that the man should be alone.” I really haven’t thought about how children would fit in. Companionship is mostly what I’m looking for. In a way I’m lucky in that my partner could be a guy or a girl.
I’m aware of the different groups, personally I find it useful to know how diverse asexuality is,however I can understand your view. It could be easy to become obsessed. What advice would you give to other asexuals who are looking through the 96 subgroups?
I would say, don’t worry about labeling. It’s like trying to make sense of the Summa Theologica or the Talmud. The only time I think it could be useful is for dating: I am a sensual heteroromantic demisexual birdwatcher looking for someone with similar interests. It’s kind of pathetic, I think.
Have you come out to anyone, if so how did they react?
Coming out asexual seems really bizarre to me. I can’t imagine sitting my parents down and saying “mom, dad, I don’t want to have sex with anyone.” Pretty sure it would elicit a big shrug from both of them.
Do you ever get anyone trying to second guess your sexuality. If so how do you deal with it?
Some people think I must be gay because, well I don’t like girls. Not a big problem now, I just let them think what they want. In middle school everyone assumed I was a faggot (their word) and it was really kind of miserable. Now, in high school, nobody cares. So glad I live in New Jersey. I hear horror stories of what it’s like out there.
Thanks for taking part in this interview. Is there a final message you would like to give to people out there discovering they are asexual?
What I would tell people asexuality is only a big deal if you let it be. I don’t see it as a problem. I am what I am. Don’t feel like you have to march behind a banner in a gay pride parade, unless you are homoromantic, I guess.
Take a look at…..
The Asexual Flag.
Interview with an asexual female.
Blurred Lines, a look at sexuality through time., (including asexuality)
Links to Understanding sexuality and gender.