Your thoughts

One Subject: Bisexuality. 

This series focuses on different points of views and experiences. 

No one was aware of the others replies, giving varied and unbiased diversity in the answers. 

The focus was on Bisexual people this time as we asked the below question(s)

How bi visible are you? 


Do you find your chosen partner defines people’s perception of you? 

Do you feel this is an issue with bi activism and how can you as an individual help to increase visibility for all?

@tom_weise 

I do my best to support the fight against “biphobia” and people’s dismissal of bisexuality. I’ve written several articles on the matter, and try to help people understand when I speak to them in person about the subject. It can be challenging at times, but I persevere because it’s important to me, and to every other person that identifies as bisexual in the world.

Unfortunately, I do feel that your choice of partner defines people’s perception of yourself as a bisexual. After having a boyfriend I’ve mentioned to several friends that I am looking for a girlfriend now, and they laugh it off thinking it’s a joke. It’s distressing because it makes me feel like people are just brushing off who I am, and not giving me any support when they say “you’re too gay to get a girlfriend”. Yikes.

I believe that there is a lot of bi-activism from multiple sources (including celebrities). However, it may be the case that the general population don’t have “exposure” to someone who identifies as “bisexual”. They may have openly gay and lesbian friends, but no openly bisexual ones. Because they don’t have the daily interactions with someone who is bisexual, it would be hard to understand what it is like for them in the LGBT+ Community. The same can be said for anyone under the Rainbow Flag. If people don’t have these interactions then they can be dismissive and show limited understanding.

This is why bi visibility is important. When people ask, I tell them I’m bisexual, and I make a point of saying that it isn’t straight and it isn’t gay. It’s important to be the person you’re happy with, and if you’re happy as a bisexual, then don’t be ashamed of who you are. People can be understanding, it just requires a “breakdown of the stigma”.

@bartolomeo_lisa

There are different sub sets of bisexuality; on some level, I think I was always open to the possibility of spending my life with the person who made me all around happiest – the person who completed me; and I don’t remember ever defining them as male or female.

I never really thought or felt that it had to be one or the other; While I never officially “came out”, mainly because I didn’t feel I had to, I have never hidden the fact from anyone. Also being Trans has, for some reason, caused more people to question my orientation; I have tried to keep that knowledge on a need-to-know basis. I find women are more accepting; more open – I tend to feel safer opening up to them; and you can’t have a relationship with someone without honesty; but, who knows what the future holds.

I think the biggest misconception people have about bisexuality is that it is somehow akin to nymphomania; that we are all sex-crazed and want to hop into bed with everyone. I would like people to realize that while this may be true of a few individuals, (just like in every other orientation) mostly we are just people who see an individual, for the sum of all their parts – not just physical parts; that we fall for them as who they are, not just for how we want them sexually.

Anonymous 

I’m a victim of the 90s where sexuality wasn’t discussed as it was still a seedy topic. I’d describe my bivisiblity as the cloaking cape in Harry Potter – I’m not ashamed, and will tell anyone who asks, but until they ask, I’m not going to walk around with a badge saying ‘look at the bisexual’.

I feel on the outside my relationship does define me, I am in a heterosexual relationship, my best friend from school is in a same-sex relationship, and it was only over a few pints 18 years into our 19 year friendship that we discovered that we had similar crushes growing up – of both genders – and neither of us knew the other was bisexual. 

I have to say that on the most part, the LGBT Community have been very accepting and welcoming. There are, as in every walk of life, a few in the LGBT Community that aren’t so nice, but on a whole they’ve been very nice. I am vocal when it is safe to do so. Pick your fights as I was once told.

@spitefulrollins

I’m not very bi visible. I’m still trying to be completely comfortable with myself because I want to come out when I’m ready, so I keep my girl crushes under wraps. Most people think I’m straight.

I think your chosen partner does define people’s perception of you. Since I’m still in the closet, that hasn’t happened to me. However, I’ve heard stories from fellow bisexual people about how others said “bisexuality isn’t real” because “you are gay with the same sex, and straight with the opposite sex”. 

I feel that this is a big issue in the LGBTQ+ Community as a whole – with the belief that bisexuality isn’t real, and people are just confused, or their sexuality is different depending on the relationship. The B doesn’t get as much positive recognition. I am starting to speak up about the stereotypes towards bisexuals and how the heart chooses who you love. I mean, bi means two/both, so loving both sexes means bisexuality is a thing. 

@StephaniEmerges

I am Stephani, a 50-something year old trans woman who remains deeply closeted in terms of sexual identity and sexual orientation. Despite my leading a complicated and clandestine life, my participation in bisexual pleasures is relatively robust. The reader should know that I am just beginning to emerge as Stephani and only recently began the “Real Life Experience” phase of my M to F transition. I hope to become much more open about my sexuality as I become increasingly comfortable with my feminine appearance.

I began having sex with males and females when I was 14 years old. My first encounter was with a much older high school boy who probably never realized that even at that age, I was self-identifying as female. To him, I suppose, a blowjob was a blowjob, but to me it was a liberating feeling to know that I could bring pleasure to someone else. At roughly the same time, I began hanging out with girls, because I felt much more connected to them. Ultimately, this would lead to intimacy and what would appear to be “heteronormative sex”.

But sex for me has never been heteronormative. When I am with a guy, I am internalizing the encounter as an act between a man and a woman. When I am with a girl, I drift into the amazing reality that I am engaging in ‘Sapphic passions’. So here I am, aged 57, not really certain what it means to be straight, gay, or bi. All I know is that I am enraptured by pleasure-giving AND pleasure-receiving. I would be remiss if I did not confess that I am repulsed by my current physical body, and that I have no regard for any vestigial male characteristics. Therefore, I cannot bear the thought of penetrating another woman, nor can I tolerate the sadness of not having a vagina to take a man.

As I continue to emerge, I am devoted to the notion of living my bisexual, and transgender life out loud. I am proud of who I am, and who I am becoming. I am confident in my ability to love freely, and without strictly wrapped constructs. And I am excited to see where this journey takes me.

@headreplacement

I am in an opposite sex relationship, so people don’t really recognise me as queer. The one thing I am sorry about is that it isn’t so much of an act of rebellion against the haters but I am quite happy right at the moment.

All subject matter was discussed by the active participatants beforehand and the subject was one or more members suggestion. 

If you would like to take a part in our One Subject series and you feel that you represent one part of the LGBTQIA community please contact us. 

Next groups will be (in order) asexual, lesbian, Gay male, allies, 

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